conformity

There are those times, that perhaps are due to my bouts of insomnia, that sprouts great reflection on the choices that I have made in my life. Wondering how many of the choices that
I have made, or will continue to make, are what I want or need, or simply what I feel is expected
of me. Not only from family and friends, but myself. How much of it is from what we are taught
is acceptable, what is desirable, what is taboo, what is sinful, what is unforgivable (heard that one quite a bit), what is important. How different our perspective would be in our adult lives depending on what rhetoric was heard as children. While I recognize, being in the place am at this time, is due to a series of personal choices....I also see that I have a propensity for conformity. Structure, multiple lists, organization, planning, follow through...all very responsible
adult actions. All the while, my inner bohemian is craving emancipation. Longing for a life away
from television (although....I would miss 'The Office'), set dinner times, and scheduled activities.
To coexist in a place of truth....allowing frailties, frustrations, kindness...and most of all, freedom from hypocrisy and pretense. I knew I should have been an artist...it would give me an excuse to have multiple housemates, and daily alfresco dinners. How delightful.

A special day

There is nothing that I love more than being a mom. When Mother's Day comes around every year, I just can't help but feel so incredibly thankful. Thankful, and grateful feelings that lead to moments of lip quivering, sniffling, weepy, blubbering "I Luuuuv youuuuuu's", then on to "I luuu-huu-huuuuuvvvv youuuuuu soooo muuuuuch." My sweet children just sigh heavily, and give big doses of hugs
and kisses.
I just can't help it. While being a family brings with it many trials and tribulations,
the joys always outweigh the burdens. This is one of those days that is a reminder
of what gifts are present each and every day.
Now, my kids would tell me to be real about this whole thing...alright....so be it.
Let's get real. I don't wait to see if my husband and children will remember that Mother's Day is soon...I remind them all at least every other day for a full week before. I even go so far as to make specific gift requests. My husband's comment was "Why are you telling me this?? you're not MY mother." Well, now....that could be why I tend to dream that I am Clint Eastwood, toothpick in mouth....gritting teeth, with the ever present 45 magnum...while uttering the line "Do you feel lucky?....now do ya.....punk??" Ahhh, yes....that does
bring a smile to my face.
After birthing three good sized babies, my bladder isn't what is used to be. Although, I do have a friend that said I am like a camel compared to her on how long I can wait between potty breaks. It's not much, but I will take that as I have
something on another woman! The tummy is no longer firm, the "girls" are now
not quite where they used to be, and after one weekend of going green long before it was stylish...by using cloth diapers....I now refuse to babysit any child that is not
swathed in plastic. The truth is....I deserve a day of being recognized, loved, pampered... plus gifts! However, I will take the sweet homemade cards and gifts anyday over anything purchased. Oh boy....here they come again.
As I type this with tears in my eyes, I can hear my daughter impatiently calling
"Mommmmmmeeeeeeee!! I neeeed the compuuuuuter!!!!".
Oh well...the sweetness was good while it lasted!