conformity

There are those times, that perhaps are due to my bouts of insomnia, that sprouts great reflection on the choices that I have made in my life. Wondering how many of the choices that
I have made, or will continue to make, are what I want or need, or simply what I feel is expected
of me. Not only from family and friends, but myself. How much of it is from what we are taught
is acceptable, what is desirable, what is taboo, what is sinful, what is unforgivable (heard that one quite a bit), what is important. How different our perspective would be in our adult lives depending on what rhetoric was heard as children. While I recognize, being in the place am at this time, is due to a series of personal choices....I also see that I have a propensity for conformity. Structure, multiple lists, organization, planning, follow through...all very responsible
adult actions. All the while, my inner bohemian is craving emancipation. Longing for a life away
from television (although....I would miss 'The Office'), set dinner times, and scheduled activities.
To coexist in a place of truth....allowing frailties, frustrations, kindness...and most of all, freedom from hypocrisy and pretense. I knew I should have been an artist...it would give me an excuse to have multiple housemates, and daily alfresco dinners. How delightful.