kids and cats

Funny, when I step back from my life...and look at it from outside observers standpoint, I realize that as odd as our daily family life seems to me...to someone else, it must seem downright freaky.
For example, our sleeping arrangements. My husband sleeps on the couch. Mainly because his snoring would surely cause an avalanche if he was placed on a mountain
ledge. Partly, he choose to sleep there due to waking with me baring my bicuspids with a snarling sneer while white knuckling a pillow over him. Would I have really done him in you wonder?? Why.......yes. Yes, I would..............................................................................ahhhhh, yes....to have quiet uninterrupted dreams. A woman should only have to take so much, ya know??
My children have now entered the stage of their lives that at times is so fun, and at
other times, brings out other homicidal tendencies in me. I must not realize that my voice becomes completely muted when I think I am communicating with the children. I can ask for messes to be picked up, homework be completed, laundry to be folded...and there isn't a flinch, a blink, a single movement that shows words were uttered. Hmmmm....how interesting. However, a soda can be opened, a candy wrapper ever-so-gently handled, and suddenly they have superhuman hearing that could detect a mouse tooting fifty feet away.
Then there's our pets. They are loved much, spoiled rotten, and overfed. We recently listed our house for sale, and it is cleaner than it has been in months.
Not that I really think my pets have conspired with my children to do evil deeds against their mother, but actions do speak louder than words. One of the cats
is a picky eater, and likes cat treats over the moist food. If he does not finish his treats, the other furry fatties in the house help themselves. Inevitably, the unnatural neon colors that the pet food industry places in the food for Lord knows what reason, ends up hurled in an arched projectile pattern on my white carpet. Most of the house is tile...but NOooo, they must make their way to the carpeted areas.
At this moment I am channeling the spirit of Rodney Dangerfield...."I tell ya, I get no respect....no respect at all!!"